Pool Protocol.

So at this new gym that I am going to there are two very nice pools, one is a family type pool with shallow sections and a water slide I might add!  But the other one is Olympic size and looking like something straight out of the Beijing Games.  I don't swim often enough to even attempt to conquer more than a few laps in that pool...but I have really been wanting to workout in the smaller pool.  So after getting done in the gym the other day I went down to the pool in my basketball shorts with the intention of getting some laps in.  Wrong!!  Before I could even dip a toe into the water to test the temperature one of the lifeguards comes up to me and starts telling me, in french i might add, that I do not have the right bathing suit.  Now this much I could understand in his native tongue, but when I asked why my shorts would not work he was very unclear.  Then I asked him to try and explain in english in which he, nor I did not have much more luck...he proceeded to inform me that the shorts I had on were not a "swim bus" as he put it so eloquently and then repeated over and over again to me as if I would understood what constituted a "swim bus" if he continuously repeated the phrase to me!  I had had enough and was not going to argue with him anymore so I peacefully bowed out and retreated back to the locker room feeling defeated, but already planning on my return to the pool the next day with an actual bathing suit in hand.  

The next day came and I changed for the pool into my recently purchased, in St. Barths I might add, Lacoste bathing suit looking very european...or so I thought.  This time I got my feet into the pool when a different life guard approached me telling me that I could not swim because I did not have a bathing suit on!  This time I was caught off guard even more so because I really did have an actual bathing suit on...and purchased in a french speaking country to boot!  What could possibly be wrong with this suit?  Isn't Lacoste a French company too?!  Ahh, but this life guard begged to differ about my so called "bathing suit"...as he continued to preach that what I was wearing was NOT a bathing suit..."OK" I said, "Hold on, do you speak english?" Yes, a little, he responds.  "I am American" I inform him, "this is what we wear in America, this IS a bathing suit!"  No luck...he just keeps saying "No No No you cannot where that here!"  At this moment an older man emerges form the hot tub next to me in a black thong bathing suit...just nasty.  So I ask him, "What do you want me to wear then?  Do I have to wear that?!!"  And like something out of a Chevy Chase movie he halfway grins at me and laughs a little before the words "yes, yes you have to wear that" fall out like a brick onto my toe.  Ohhh maan...  

Now when I asked him that question about the old man's suit I was halfway joking...but believe me when I say that his response was no joke.  I gladly bow out of the situation at this point to lick my wounds and retreat again back to the locker room this time feeling embarrassed that I had been kicked out of the pool for a second straight day!  And on top of that I needed to go buy a tight ass thong type bathing suit or something similar.  Yes the purchase was made, but NO I did not buy a man thong!  Instead I bought a type of bathing suit that fits like spandex but are much shorter, just not as short as the thong ones.  I made sure to buy the cheapest one I could find because this investment will be short lived...trust me.  So now I'm ready to go swim...or so I thought.  Yes, yet another road block on my way to the pool.  This time I strut down to the pool in my new and tight as can be swimming suit looking european as ever and I get all the way into the water when another helpful french life guard tells me no..."you need a swim cap!"  Damn maan...what the hell is wrong with this place?  Why must one have to cover up all parts of his body in skin tight material?  I come to find out that the french don't want any loose body hair getting into the pool...this is why they make us wear the tight bathing suits and the swim caps.  So I left the pool once again, but only temporarily and went downstairs to buy a swim cap out of a vending machine they were being sold in.  The rest you can probly figure out yourself...I was finally able to swim in the pool!!  

Now I know that these events are in the past but I have to ask...how can the french be so paranoid about the cleanliness of their pools all the while having such a blatant disregard for personal hygiene?  Now let me make it clear that not ALL the french are into the smelly look...my host mother is very clean and well kept!  But lets be honest here...why take the precautions to keep free floating hair out of your pool when the majority of the people using your pool haven't showered in some time?!  I feel like it defeats the purpose...don't you?  And something else that I just thought of...what about all those men who's backs look like vintage 70's shag carpet?  With all that hair on your back you know thats getting in your pool water(no question in my mind), how are you gonna prevent that?!  No thong bathing suit or swim cap can cure that problem...If I could speak french well enough I would have pointed that out to each and every one of the life guards that stopped me from swimming in the pool.  And who knows, I just may by the end of my stay here...